“If you still don’t understand son, then you never will.”
We are three brothers. Our one sister, who was the eldest, passed away in February this year (2012) in San Jose, California at 77 years of age. I am the youngest, and the only one born outside India - in Malaya (pre-independence Malaysia) 62 years ago (1950).
My oldest brother Principal Gurmukh Singh of UK, who I still refer to
affectionately as 'Bai', and I, have grown up in different environments or different
generations if you like. Our middle brother Baldev Singh in South Australia, is
the classic middle child - the sedate one, the one who steadies the boat, the
quiet, thoughtful one - the one who normally ends up having the last word, in
his own quiet way. Bapu Ji and Bebe Ji referred to Baldev as the 'sadhu' of the
family.
I mentioned that we come from different generations. That is so because Bai, and to a certain degree Baldev, saw the hardships including poverty that our parents went through, first in India in their early life, when I was not yet born, and then as pioneers in Malaya/Malaysia. For them Malaya/Malaysia was and always will be, an alien land but for me India was and still is, an alien land, and I did not see or experience the level of hardship and poverty they saw. So we do have differences – in attitudes towards life and the upbringing of our offspring.
This is my story about Bai, who is not only my oldest brother, but my mentor, my peer, the harshest critic of my presentation of 'world music' style kirtan worldwide, but also the father figure after the passing away of Bapu Ji.
In my childhood (in Taiping, Malaya) he was my hero. I remember sitting on the bar of his bicycle when he used to cycle to the gurdwara to do Asa Dhi Var with the local jatha at the crack of dawn. He would have been about 17/18 years old and I was about 4/5 years old. He used to take me swimming in the river. He used to entertain me by tossing me around or just playing with me, and I used to complain to Bebe Ji when he didn't! He thought me to read books from a very young age and he encouraged me to be physically fit. I thought the world of him and secretly, I think he has always had a soft spot for me! After all I was, and still am, the baby of my family - even at 62.
Bai is a severe man - more severe upon himself then he is upon others. Seldom will you see a photograph of him smiling. But, he is a man with a heart of gold. Catch him right and one finds a loving, affectionate and ‘dharmic’ man - and a good friend to those who know him well. (‘Dharmic’ to me means one who understands and carries out one’s duty in life – to family, to the panth, to community and to humanity.) Otherwise, get on his wrong side, and he can be quite unforgiving. Sadly even his own, have not been able to reach his affectionate side because he demands a very high conduct especially in Sikhi dharmic living. He often quotes a line by the actor James Stewart in an American movie of the 50's - "If you still do not understand son, then you never will!" He expects, nay demands, that one carries out ones ‘dharam’. He lives by these rules.
He is not an overly 'religious' man and he is not overly accommodating towards those who hold themselves out as 'Sants', 'Babas' or 'Bhai Sahibs' and especially those who subscribe to, promote, encourage or create their own little kingdoms, 'deras' or sub-sects within Sikhism especially if they encroach on mainstream Sikhi principles.
However, he even assists these ‘sects’ on occasion when he feels some panthic objective is being achieved. For example, he translated, from Punjabi to English, the biography of Bhai Rama Singh, a very influential figure in the Akhand Kirteni Jatha movement in UK. (In Punjabi the title is ‘Roop Gobind ka. Raaj Khalsay ka. Sika Sonay ka’. In English Bai called it –‘In search of the True Guru’) It is the story of a Hindu who discovered Sikhi and lived it in his own brand of piety and sincerity within the Akhand Kirteni Jatha. It is a very good read for Sikhs. (Google "Bhai Rama Singh")
Bai lives mainstream Sikhi as a way of life and works hard through various avenues towards cooperation of Sikhs and Sikh organisations worldwide especially in UK. Perhaps he is more a 'Miri' Sikh and less a 'Piri' Sikh - more about responsible social conduct and evolution and growing maturity as a 'quom' rather than coming up with more elaborate religious ceremonies, prayers, rituals, new sects or even more gurdwaras (unless a new community gets established). His passion is to interpret gurbani in terms of 21st. century issues and sifting through and promoting latest research in line with the relevance of Sikhi today and into the future.
A weekly column that he writes for the Punjabi/English weekly 'Punjab Times' in UK is read by thousands. His blog http://sewauk.blogspot.com.au is popular amongst those researching Sikhi or looking for information for presentations on mainstream Sikhi especially current topics like gay rights, environmental issues, abortion, etc. His book 'Sikh Religion & Islam, A comparative study' co-written with the late Gurbachan Singh Sidhu is a resource book for serious students of religion.
Amongst his close friends are Sikh scholars like Dr. Jagtar Singh Grewal, the inimitable Dr. IJ Singh of New York and the legendary S.Khushwant Singh. He is consulted by many Sikh writers worldwide and acts as consultant to The Sikh Missionary Society UK, often writing 'forewords' and reviews for new publications on Sikh issues. Never one to align himself with any one movement amongst Sikhs, he is always there to help when needed.
He does lean towards Khalsa Aid for the phenomenal aid work that the organisation carries out worldwide with minimal support, and the Sikh Missionary Society, Southall, UK. Sikh institutions do approach him when his expertise is needed. He is, after all, an ex-British civil servant with over 40 years’ service, the last 15 or so in the higher echelons of the British Civil Service in a policy division, with full knowledge and experience in diplomacy and governmental, intra-governmental and inter-governmental wheeling and dealing (‘Government-speak’, he calls it).
Finally he is never one to seek accolades for himself and is always shying away from public 'social appearances' and functions. Sadly, not one such organisation, so far, has thought it appropriate to show proper public appreciation for the sewa that he does because he keeps a low profile never seeking accolades. I would even venture to say that anyone else at his level of panthic sewa and contribution in the British Civil Service, (but with the aid of a little self-promotion of course,) would have probably received an OBE, or even a membership of the House of Lords by now!
Bai grew up truly in the school of hard knocks right from birth. Bapu Ji
(who passed away in 1975) and also Bebe Ji (still commanding our full respect
at a ripe 96 years of age!) were tough disciplinarians and belonged to the old
school. They were born and grew up in a tough and severe 'jat' background in
Malwa, Punjab. A region where dacoits were commonplace (Bebe Ji talks of
running gun battles between dacoits and the police, both on horseback - the
police in jeeps sometimes, just like in Hindi movies) where life was cheap and
where almost everyone carried a weapon (a kirpan, a 'daang', a 'sota' a 'sri
sahib' or even a gun) for protection. Bebe Ji, let alone Bapu Ji, knew how to
wield a 'sri sahib' (sword).
Bai remembers, as a very young kid with Baldev as a baby, huddled under the spread out arms of Bebe Ji, crouched on the floor with a drawn sword in one hand, like a mother hen with wings spread and her chickens underneath, in a dark corner of their mud hut, as gun battles raged outside. Life was tough.
Bai was born in the remote border state of Kutch, just north of Gujerat. Bapu Ji was at that time a royal guard in the Maharajah of Kutch's regiments. Kenyan Sikhs affectionately use the term 'kutchi' for Gujeratis. Actually, Bai is the genuine article - he is the genuine 'kutchi'! And, though we are not a birthday celebrating kind of family, his birthday is hard to forget. He was born on 9/11 - 11th. September!
A little bit about our venerable father. Bapu Ji was an only child and orphaned at about 5 years of age. His life was always in danger even from kith and kin as the village chieftainship (lambardari) belonged in the family and his death would have meant that someone else like his Thayas or Chachas could take over this normally hereditary and prestigious title. He escaped murder attempts and even a poisoning by them. As you can see, we originate from a rather 'rough' neighbourhood in the Malwa district of Punjab!
Our Bebe Ji as a 18 year old
with gatra/kirpan. (circa 1934)
Our Bebe Ji with Bai as a baby (circa 1940)
Due mainly to his dangerous environment and the fact that he was an
orphan, Bapu Ji, as a youth, used to run away from his village and fell into
the company of sadhus who looked after him and introduced him to their brand of
spirituality and also taught him kirtan. Kirtan and spirituality (which was
obviously dominated with Sikhi) gave Bapu Ji solace, and Bebe Ji's Sikhi
leanings helped him along. (My Nana Ji saw great potential and had
great affection for this orphan and gave one of his daughters, our dear Bebe
Ji, in marriage to him.) Through all this, Bapu Ji managed to
educate himself in Gurmukhi and Gurmatt.
So, Bai, being the eldest son, was brought up under strict constant supervision and discipline in this rather severe and dangerous environment.
The fact that he was also rather mischievous, meant severe ‘chastisements’ - at times physical. A scar on the ridge of his nose bears testimony to a direct hit of a utensil used as a projectile by Bebe Ji in frustration and anger. No one those days spared the rod, or a handy utensil to throw, to spoil the child!
Bapu Ji was a natural Punjabi spiritual minstrel (kavisheri, dhad-sarangi, kirtenia and percharak). But knowing the lot of a granthi or a religious minstrel in Punjab, he tried his hand at other vocations like the armed forces (royal guard in Kutch), and then the Engineering Corps in the British Army in Ambala Cantonment during WW2, but his calling was always of a religious nature. In the Engineering Corp he used to do kirtan amongst the Sikh army personnel before his formal duties. He was spotted and promoted, to become the regimental granthi (Badshahi Bagh Gurdwara, Ambala). Granthi was a ranked and highly respected position in the Armed Forces, but unfortunately not necessarily so in civil life as it proved later, in Malaya.
Then came, perhaps, our break as a family. Baldev was already born. The sangat of Raub, British Malaya sought Bapu Ji out to migrate to Malaya as a government paid Punjabi school teacher. The lure of going overseas was very attractive. My family migrated to Malaya a few years after WW2 (1947/48). Bai was about nine. Baldev was about four years old. I was born about four years later in Raub. In no time at all, Bai learnt English and excelled in school. Being a rough and tough 'pendu jat' too, he was always in trouble - getting into fights but generally gaining a reputation for leadership potential amongst school staff and students. I have heard plenty of stories of stopping school bullies with his own brand of physical persuasion and earning respect even from his teachers - one who even taught him how to box properly after observing Bai chastise a bully! Due to his leadership qualities and honesty, he was school prefect from a very young age.
Unfortunately he never had the luxury of schooling in one place as Bapu Ji, a disciplined and upright Sikh luminary, got into trouble with the gurdwara committee in Raub. They expected him to act subservient to them whereas Bapu Ji believed that he was answerable to his Guru and the sangat. From the severe background he came from, he was, naturally, not schooled in the art of diplomacy nor did he have the inclination of bending his Guru-given principles. He had a saying - 'I can break but I cannot bend.'
Bapu Ji was sacked from his position in Raub with a 24 hours notice to get out, because he refused to allow the gurdwara committee to fly an Indian national flag right beside the Nishan Sahib and not acting like a servant to the committee. The letter of 'sacking' and other documents are available in Bai's blog - http://sewauk.blogspot.com.au .
Bai played a very important role at this juncture because due to this bitter experience, Bapu Ji was ready to pack up and take the family back to Punjab. Bai (about 14 years old here), strongly backed by Bebe Ji put the case forward to Bapu Ji that as a family they would never be able to progress if they returned to Punjab, especially back to the rough neighbourhood of the village. (We normally joke that we three, or at least Bai and I, would probably have turned out as dacoits if we had gone back to the village!)
Bai and Bebe Ji felt that they needed to do everything possible to stay on in Malaya/Malaysia and struggle on. A momentous decision which in hindsight was the right decision for the family though it left Bapu Ji a rather sad, disillusioned man but one who, with his strong religious convictions and 'Chardhi Kala' spirit, was prepared to struggle on for the sake of his sons and continue Sikhi perchar and kirtan – his first love. Struggle he did, all his working life.
Bapu Ji tried his hand at a couple of other vocations. He became a bus conductor but his health deteriorated because of passive cigarette smoke from passengers smoking in the buses. He then took up a partnership running a provision shop in the town of Taiping (my favourite childhood town in Malaysia and where I began my schooling) but was taken to the cleaners by his partner - a Sikh, in fact a former granthi himself! Defeated once again, Bapu Ji went back to being a granthi on the island of Penang first, while the family stayed behind in Taiping.
Bai had to move from school to school but excelled anyway. I think he was embittered by the lowly status we were in - the family of a former lambardar, orphaned, and then belittled and humiliated by a gurdwara committee. He yearned to change all that - for himself, for Bapu Ji and for the family. But he was never one to seek a quick fix or short cut in his life. It is a family trait - hard, honest work (kirt kamayi) and moving forward through merit.
In school, in Taiping, Bai passed his (British Senior Cambridge) final schooling exams in flying colours being amongst the top five students. He was accepted in Form 6 (pre-university) in the science stream but the family poverty meant that he could not continue his studies there. Bai also taught tuition to other Sikh youngsters to supplement the money sent to us by Bapu Ji from Penang.
Academically, Bai always excelled as he refused to ever be second best. In Gurmukhi, he wrote his first full article at age 15. It was about the unfair treatment that Bapu Ji received from his posting as Teacher/Granthi in Raub. No names were mentioned. He used a pen name to write it too. It was published in the 'Malaya Samachar' - the only Punjabi newspaper published in the old Malaya. It was some time before even Bapu Ji uncovered that Bai at that young age had written it after some Sikh luminaries came to visit him wondering who had written this astute article which seemed to be about Bapu Ji, his lofty status as a Panthic savant, but ill-treated and humiliated by a gurdwara committee.As time went by, Bai himself grew disillusioned of Malaya when he saw growing sycophancy and favouritism rather than meritocracy in the newly independent country (1957.) The last straw was when he went for the written and physical examination to enter the prestigious Federation Military College (which was later renamed Royal Military College.) Even though he was told that he had come out at second position (twelve were to be taken) within all the applicants, he was overlooked. Another Sikh young man, also from the same town we lived in (who had done moderately well in his entrance exams and dropped out of some of the physical disciplines required) was selected just because his brother was already in the armed forces and holding a high position. The rest of the entrants were the local Malays – under the so-called policy of affirmative action for the locals.
Bai decided to return to India. He was readily admitted in Khalsa College Amritsar due to his excellent schooling results in Malaya, to do medicine.
As fate would have it, the family 'politics' flooded back firstly
because he tried and succeeded in our claims in the village. Secondly, he was
being forced into a marriage he did not want, by the relatives. Bapu Ji and
Bebe Ji of course were expected to go along with that. One was expected to obey
the whims of ones close relatives those days. Disillusioned once again, he
decided to 'get away', this time to try and make his mark in the land of the
'white sahib' - the United Kingdom.
His struggles began anew in a country at a time when (1960's) Sikhs were
expected to cut their hair to get a job, and most of them did. He persevered,
doing menial jobs and studying for the Institute of Chartered Secretaries
qualifications. He also sat for exams to join the British Civil Service
(Department of Trade & Industry) and passed - to begin in a modest ranking.
Importantly, he had secured permanent employment and was well on his way
to becoming a Chartered Secretary. With his qualifications, he naturally rose
in rank – from Executive Officer ending after 33 years as Principal (Policy).
The British Civil Service, thankfully, works on a merit basis.
Meanwhile, he had been supporting us and then invited Baldev to join him in UK.
Baldev migrated and began his studies to become an engineer.
When Bai left for overseas I was about eight years old. He meant the world to me. He was my hero. I missed him terribly. It all seemed so very unfair that he had left me and gone. Then Baldev left to join Bai in UK, when I was about 14. So, my most impressionable years, my teens, were without their company. We drifted apart, or perhaps I was finding my own identity.
Both Bai and Baldev found their wives (my Bhabi Jis) in UK. They married and raised their families.
Even when I went to UK in 1971 for higher studies after my schooling in Malaysia, we were not very close. I migrated to Australia ten years later finding it difficult to stay in UK due to its generally miserable cold weather. Coming from a tropical country I could not stand having to go to and come back from work in darkness and miserable cold in winter, leading to unreasonably long days and short nights in summer, which was still colder than a decent invigorating tropical day in Malaysia! I migrated to Australia – more my kind of a country.
So, from my childhood until perhaps my tours as the Dya Singh World Music Group began in 1999 - a gap of about three decades, we were not close. I think I surprised Bai that I was doing something worthwhile and in panthic sewa and our relationship rejuvenated.
Bai, attained the topmost ranking any non-white had ever got to in UK, in his time - the position of Principal (Policy) in the British Civil Service.
I recollect his story of one Geneva Conference on Tariffs where non-EEC
countries had representations and, as he entered the conference hall and
presented his credentials, he was led away ("Meester Seeengh, theese vay
pleease," he imitates the European usher) seeing his white dastaar and
beard, to the distant Indian table and then led back with profuse apologies, to
the front British table when the mistake was discovered. This was perhaps the
crowning moment of his career in the British Civil Service.
The simple 'jat' son of a lowly orphaned granthi had fought through all adversity and reached the echelons of European administration - the EEC, probably the most powerful body leading the world, alongside USA then, and representing the United Kingdom, the country of the former 'white Sahibs'.
Since the fateful 1984, Bai has worked tirelessly doing his part to try to bring together the various Sikh bodies as one community lobby group in Britain on matters which affect Panthic interests.
Bai - Pr. Gurmukh Singh in his heyday representing
UK at EEC Trade Talks in Geneva. (circa 1980)
Never one to look for the prominent posts like jathedar or president, he is content to play the vital role of secretary and consultant. I have seen his frustrations as leaders in these diverse Sikh organisations refuse to look at community interests above their own vested organisational or personal interests.
(I remember the push by some Sikh organisations for census recognition
of Sikhs as an ethnic minority and its slogan – “If you are not counted, you do
not count”. Unbelievably, many prominent and leading Sikhs in UK could not see
the very obvious benefit of it and insisted that Sikhs should be considered a
‘religious’ group, not an ethnic minority)
But he battles on and always has an optimistic outlook for Sikhs and Sikhism. Thankfully, he is, as we jokingly quip 'phiting phit at sebenty-phiphe with Baba’s phul kirpa’ (fighting fit at 75 with Baba Ji’s full kirpa).
Lord Slim (right), Lord Kang (centre) and Bai at a
Saraghari Memorial programme in UK.
I remember the last time we were in Punjab a few months ago. Both of us were on an Indian sized motorcycle (Bai calls it a ‘scootri’). He was driving and I was the pillion and I am not exactly a light-weight!. As we hurtled through the narrow roads of the ambitiously called Chauda Bazaar in Ludhiana, I suddenly realised that at 62 I should be perhaps more careful about doing such fool-hardy things at my age. It suddenly dawned upon me, that if I was 62, then Bai, who was driving, was 75! Perhaps we were still thinking that we are young and invincible! Fortunately, at this age, Waheguru has been kind - all three of us do not have any ailments and we are generally fit.
If Bai has a fault, it is probably his obsession with Sikh panthic unity and common direction worldwide. Time spent with him is like being with a walking talking Sikhi encyclopaedia - Sikh theology, Sikh history, 'Guru-itihas' and anything else Sikh. He has little time for mundane things except doing his gardening, regular sauna and swim and long drives into the country. He hates visitors including relatives (except very close friends); time wasted in 'gup-shup' and formal visiting.
Today, through Bai’s life-long effort driven by what our Bapu Ji went
through, he has achieved his aim. He lives a comfortable retirement and works
on in panthic sewa. Baldev is an engineer, ex-town councillor and Justice of
the Peace, also doing panthic and community sewa in South Australia. He is a
community representative there and very much involved in inter-cultural
affairs. I play my modest part travelling with my group singing gurbani and
whatever assistance I can give at Sikh youth camps and so on. Yes, we have come
very far from a lowly, but highly talented, learned and very spiritually
inclined granthi to three brothers (and a sister) who, with Guru Ji's grace
have come this far.
I cannot ask for a better Bai or a better middle older brother. Though we have not always agreed on all matters, and do not come from a very forgiving nature, we do have a unique relationship. Now (drawing a parallel to Aussie-rules football which is played in four quarters) we are in the fourth and final quarter of our lives and we have Baba Ji’s blessings. When we are together making merry with our venerable Bebe Ji in our midst, it feels like we have found our heaven upon this earth. We benefit from the 'kamayian' (good lives) of our elders, especially our Bapu Ji, and we are truly grateful to Akal Purakh.
Bapu Ji did not like having to answer to committees or anyone else except to his 'Guru' and God. Today, all three of us, too, have that gift from Waheguru. With His grace, we continue our 'sewa' to our faith, our Guru and Waheguru.
Finally, we ask for the best for our offspring, whatever their attitudes and directions in life may be. With generational change and changing environments come changes in attitude towards religion, family values, work ethic and relationships. They will deal with their challenges just like past generations did with theirs. However, one hopes that they learn something from our lives and the lives of our past generations. Or as Bai says, “Son, if you still do not understand, you never will!”
At the Berri (Australia) Family Home: From left: Dya, Bebe ji, Bai, Baldev
For further information on Principal Gurmukh Singh and his articles and thoughts on Sikhi and Sikh Panthic matters, and our collection of old and new photographs, please visit his blog
Related Article: "Guru Nanak Sahib's Revolutionary Ideology"
