"He died on a Wednesday, I'll never forget,
the sun has not shined bright as yet.
To live with him was hard,
but harder when gone"
12 years ago today our beloved Teacher, Yogi Bhajan left his body. It was the saddest day of my life. I weighed the impact against my own father's death eight years previous, and it was twice as hard. He took me, a young man of 19, into his fold, gave me chances and opportunities I probably never deserved, and he blessed me regardless. One day, I was with him in his bedroom at the Estate in Espanola. A very humble, small room with one of the walls made from the ends of logs. He was laying back on his bed and he said to me: "Gurshabad, I have two more years to live". And as it happened he died two years and three months later.
My biggest change in life came one night while I was driving from San Francisco to LA. I had been in the habit of bringing cassettes of Yogi Bhajan lectures with me, learning as I drove. He said "only one relationship exists between a student and a spiritual teacher". At that moment I turned the cassette off trying to guess what that might be. I thought of a lot of things... so many things. Did the relationship come through Guru? Sewa? Sadhana, Mantra? His teachings? Was it Devotion? Sacrifice? Steadfastness? It seemed an endless list of possibilities. So, after contemplating his question, I settled on 'devotion - final answer! I turned the cassette back on and he said: "The only relationship that exist between a student and a spiritual teacher is humility".
I was surprised to hear that and my first reaction was "I don't believe it". The reason I thought that, was we saw many people acting humble before him (which often seemed a bit insincere to me). In my duality and misunderstanding I remembered the teaching: "A Sikh takes advice from The Siri Guru Granth Sahib". So, I decided this is what I would do: When I arrived in Los Angeles I went to the ashram and sat behind the Guru and took advice. The question I asked was "Is humility truly the only relationship that should exist between a student and a spiritual teacher?" And this was the Guru's answer to my question: "Guru Nanak was sitting before some yogis and they said to Nanak: 'You are sitting before esteemed yogis, how do you give us your salutation?' Guru Nanak replied 'I cut off my head and place it at the feet of the Saint- Guru'."
I was deeply moved in the humility expressed from this hukam about a person cutting off his head and placing it at the Saint-Gurus feet. However, that created a problem for me because basically, I am not a humble person by nature and now I have no other choice but to be humble before Yogi Bhajan. This was a game changer for me, and I had no idea how I would pull it off. As it turns out Yogi Bhajan was teaching a class that night across the street at Yoga West. As I walked over to his class I was scared thinking "I have to be humble before him and he is going to call me out on it. He's gonna make a public statement to everyone that I'm a fake piece of s..., am an egomaniac etc." I was convinced this is what he would do to me.
But then I remembered another teaching of his "If you can fake it you can make it". So, after his lecture I told myself "OK Gurshabad this is your moment, stand up, walk before him and put your palms together at the center of your chest. Don't look at his eyes, look at his feet and just simply say 'Sat Nam Ji'." Much to my surprise, things happened much differently than I had imagined.
First of all, saying it, didn't feel fake. It felt true, very warm in my heart and I knew that he would not humiliate me. Secondly, as soon as those words came out of my mouth, he did confront me (like a truly great teacher does), and said "Hey, you haven't written me a song lately". My immediate thought was "whatever comes out of your mouth next, better be humble". So, I replied "I'm sorry Sir. May I have the opportunity to please write you a song"? (For the record I HAD recently given him a piece of music!
). So clearly it wasn't about the music, he was testing my lesson.
After this, my first attempt at humility, he waved me toward him and said "come sit next to me". Those next fifteen minutes with him remained the warmest energy I have ever experienced in my entire life. It was other-worldly, calm, peaceful and very relaxed. He was asking me about my business, my son, my life. He felt like the best dad in the world, but he was my teacher and from that day forward I never, ever turned back away from this lesson of humility. Before this incident he had treated me like all his students, challenging me in a poke, provoke, confront, elevate style. After this, there was no duality in our relationship and confrontation was no longer necessary. Our relationship blossomed like a lotus flower from then on.
Those foreseen two year of his imminent passing were drawing near. Sitting in his presence in his private room, he told me, "Gurushabad, all I want to do is play football with my grandchildren. But I tried last week and my stitches tore open." With that I began crying uncontrollably, literally sobbing and I looked up at him and he was crying too.
That last meeting with him was so touching. He gave me a confirmation of our relationship and the lesson of humility. It is a bond that I cannot describe.
God Bless Siri Singh Sahib Yogi Bhajan. May we always hold him in your hearts with a sense of humility, love and adoration and may we bow our heads before the Guru on this day in reverence and gratitude for living with and learning from this perfect, humble saint. Sat Nam.
Guru Shabad Singh Khalsa